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  Culture Collision
No New TopicThe Double Standard
Our culture has very specific guidelines for women and they clash with many western ideals. For example, many Middle-eastern/Muslim families will expect their daughter to live with them until she gets married. Dating is often forbidden, modest dress in enforced, etc. In many cases, cultural and or religious beliefs are coupled with an authoritarian way of enforcing these beliefs. Chances are, if you have been disowned or shunned and a male has done the exact same thing that you did or didn’t do….no one blinks at eye at him.
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Posted by: Nectarine
11/25/2009 11:07 AM
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  Should I Leave?
No New TopicWhat can I expect if I leave?
Many teens have an unrealistic view of what life will be like when they leave home. That is why it is very important to understand what responsibilities you will be faced with and that you will most likely face them alone. It is also a reason why the decision to leave should be well thought out and all other avenues of compromise are exhausted. I will share my experiences, you can share yours and maybe more women will be better informed... :)
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No New TopicCan I go back?
Many women leave and then come back. This depends on the climate and strictness of your family. Many families threaten to disown and then soften over time, some have one or more family members who sneak to see them and some don’t at all. What was your experience?
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No New TopicAssessing danger
This can be a tricky category because, as many of us know, our culture is full of threatening language and phrasing. How can we know what is serious and what isn’t. In my case I took it literally when my dad threatened my life, but he was “bluffing”, I’ve also heard of parents who followed through. What are your thoughts on this? Where should the line be drawn?
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No New TopicShould I????
Unfortunately, many women go through the struggle of having to choose between to very conflicting situations. Your family or yourself. Whether to stay or leave is ultimately a personal decision. If your family life includes any type of abuse then this makes the decision a little easier. Sometimes, without even leaving, by choosing to marry outside your religion or race, you may be disowned by your family. This practice is pretty common among our culture and can create unnecessary pain for all parties involved. ***Please share your experiences…
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Posted by: Nectarine
11/29/2009 13:34 PM
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  Responsibilities/Health
No New TopicFinancial
What types of financial obligations come with living on your own? What must you have set up before you leave? Who should you trust?
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No New TopicPhysical/Sexual
What does your body go through during all of this? Are you on birth control? Are you protecting against diseases and other harmful threats? Medical insurance is hard to come by before you have a steady job. Be sure to search for full-time employment that offers benefits to avoid huge debt that can be incurred through medical bills. Please share what you have gone through...
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No New TopicMental Health
How do you keep it together in a situation like this? When does the drama end? How has this taken a toll on you mentally?
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  Temptations
No New TopicDrugs, Drinking & Sex
This can be an ever alluring temptation. Self-medicating? Drowning your sorrows? No worries, no inhibitions? A trip outside yourself? Having fun? Just being social? Experiencing forbidden fruit? Share!!
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  The Man Trap
No New TopicPart I
Ok. So, here is the scenario. You have just left your home, your community and everyone you ever loved or cared about and you have very little independent skills thanks to your upbringing (regardless of your personality). What have both cultures been drilling into young girls from a very young age? American culture has been stressing the ideals of love, companionship and romantic relationships, most often in the form of being rescued by your prince charming then living happily after. Middle eastern/Muslim culture has been stressing the idea of not fornicating and getting married to be complete, fulfilling our female roles as mothers and wives. So what usually happens? Your vulnerability is written all over you and some guy strolls right into your life. However, because of the state that you are in, this relationship may happen more out of convenience than actual love or caring.
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No New TopicPart II
What kind of man does a girl in this position usually attract? A better question may be, what type of man are you attracted to? You are coping with no family or support. Feeling “alone” in the world can be very hard to cope with after coming from a tight-knit community. While some people have the social skills to make new friends and adapt easier, others seclude themselves. Furthermore, sometimes the friends you will attract in their position and time in your life may be detrimental to your health and development. What type of man were /are you with? Are they controlling? Do they prey on the fact that you have no support?
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  Marriage and Divorce
No New TopicMarriage to a Muslim/Middle Easterner
This can be tricky. Do they look down on your past? Do they accept your actions? Will they take advantage of your situation? Do they feel like they are doing you a favor? Are you “damaged goods” to them? Do you have similar values to you?
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No New TopicDivorce from Muslim/Middle Easterner
Please share your experiences…
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No New TopicMarriage to a Non-Middle-Eastern/Non-Muslim
Also tricky. Can they relate? Do they understand what you came from? Will they take advantage of your situation? Will they live up to your preset expectations of a man? Do they have similar values to you?
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No New TopicDivorce from a Non-Middle-Eastern/Non-Muslim
Please share your experiences…
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No New TopicSingle Motherhood
Wow...now you are a deviant in so many ways! Both American and Arab/Muslim cultures either look down on you or feels sorry for you? How do you deal with this?
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No New TopicMiddle-Eastern /Muslim- American men and immigrant women
Why do I think so many Middle-Eastern men don't assimilate to western thinking or feminism? Because they don't have to! Because the Middle Eastern way suits them better! How many men just get wives from "back home" even if they were born here?! But then again....how does that work out for them? What effect does this have on Middle Eastern and Muslim American women?
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No New TopicInfidelity in our culture
Why do men cheat disproportionately? And why is it accepted in most cases? Are women trapped by their social and religious obligations and roles? Duped into thinking their men can have 4 wives?!?! Please share your thoughts on this....
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  Lesbian Arab and/or Muslim Women
No New TopicBi and Lesbian women
Lesbian Muslim women go through these experiences with a host of other issues added as well...please share your thoughts! :)
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Posted by: dottylotty50
04/21/2010 14:50 PM
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  The Aftermath
No New TopicReuniting with family
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No New TopicMaintaining a postive view...
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No New TopicRe-Integrating with the old community
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  Creative commons copyrighted...
No New Topic...
Creative Commons License
Desert Betwen Us info by desertbetweenus is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at desertbetweenus.com.
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  Survey
No New TopicNew Survey
Hi Ladies! I am researching Muslim women who have been disowned /shunned for a project this year and I need a substantial control group (women who have not been disowned) to take the survey also. The sooner you can get to it the better Thank you SO much for taking the time to do this, I really appreciate it! ? THE LINK TO THE SURVEY : http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/ZMW6PXW
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 Topics： Topic Title Example
Posted by: Aimoo Team
03/04/2010 00:59 AM
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What's going on here
Founded: 07/18/2009
Total members:6 | Total threads:6 | Total replies:1
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