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Title: Joke Of The Day
Ψ?he-HE-?evil'sΨ   ♦Jokes R Us♦
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SoChicko1
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Score: 9048
Posts: 3016
Registered: 11/01/2008

(Date Posted:06/14/2011 07:01)
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SoChicko1
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Score:9048
Posts:3016
Registered:11/01/2008

RE:Joke Of The Day
(Date Posted:06/14/2011 07:02)

A man walked into his backyard in a residential neighborhood one morning. He saw a 600 pound Gorilla sitting in his tree. He telephoned an emergency Gorilla Removal Service, and shortly a technician arrived with a stick, a pair of hand cuffs, a tiny Chihuahua, and a shotgun.

"Now listen carefully", he told the homeowner. "I am going to climb the tree, and poke the Gorilla with this stick, until he falls to the ground. My trained Chihuahua will go right for the Gorilla's testicles, and when the Gorilla instinctively crosses his hands over his testicles to protect himself, you slap on the hand cuffs without delay."


"OK... got it," the homeowner replied. "But what is the shotgun for?"

Said the technician... "If I should fall out of the tree before the Gorilla... SHOOT the Chihuahua!!!"


 

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Arizonadude
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Score:1482
Posts:494
Registered:11/02/2008

RE:Joke Of The Day
(Date Posted:07/19/2011 09:46)

 hey mum! Why are we pushing the car off the cliff? Sut up son, you'll  wake your  father 
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euler
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Registered:01/19/2009

RE:Joke Of The Day
(Date Posted:07/20/2011 08:50)

While walking down the street one day a U.S. senator
>is tragically hit by a truck and killed.  His soul arrives in heaven
>and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to heaven,"
>says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem.
>We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see,
>so we're not sure what to do with you."  "No problem, just let me in," 
says 
>the man.
>"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up.
>What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven.
>Then you can choose where to spend eternity." "Really, I've made up my 
>mind. I want to be in heaven, "says the senator. "I'm sorry, but we have 
>our rules."  And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he 
>goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the 
>middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing 
>in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked 
>with him.
>Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake 
>his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich
 at 
>the expense of the people.
>They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and 
>champagne.
>Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a
 good 
>time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that 
>before he realizes it, it is time to go.
>Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...
>The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where 
St. Peter 
>is waiting for him.
>"Now it's time to visit heaven."
>So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls 
>moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing.  They have a 
good 
>time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter 
>returns.
>"Well, then, you've 1 spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now 
choose 
>your eternity."
>The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never 
>have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think 
I would 
>be better off in hell."
>So, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to 
>hell.
>Now, the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren 
land 
>covered with waste and garbage.
>He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting 
>it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
>The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. "I don't 
>understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a 
>golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and
>caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just 
>a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"
>The devil looks at him, smiles and says,
>"Yesterday we were campaigning...... Today you voted."

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Arizonadude
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Score:1482
Posts:494
Registered:11/02/2008

RE:Joke Of The Day
(Date Posted:07/20/2011 10:23)

Three women are having lunch, discussing there husbands. The first says, "My husban is cheating on me, I just know it. I found a pair of stockings in his jacket pocket, and tey were not mine!

The second says, "My husban is cheating on me, I just know it. I found a condom in his wallet, so I poked it full of holes with my sewing needle"

The third woman Fainted  
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euler
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Registered:01/19/2009

RE:Joke Of The Day
(Date Posted:07/21/2011 15:57)



You Must Be in the Fifth

A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went 
on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry. 

During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was decided that the girls would 
go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. 

As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's toilet, one of the boys came out and told her
 that he couldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, the teacher went inside and began hoisting the little 
boys up by their armpits, one by one. 

As she lifted one up by the armpits, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well-endowed 
for an elementary school child. "I guess you must be in the fifth," she said. 

"No ma'am," he replied, "I'm in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks for the lift anyhow."

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Arizonadude
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Score:1482
Posts:494
Registered:11/02/2008

RE:Joke Of The Day
(Date Posted:07/25/2011 08:54)

 Women want a relationship wthout the complication of unneccessary sex.

 Men want sex without the complication of an unneccessay relationship
usertype:3 tt= 0
Arizonadude
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Score:1482
Posts:494
Registered:11/02/2008

RE:Joke Of The Day
(Date Posted:10/11/2011 12:27)

QUESTION: When does a person decide to become a stockbroker?

ANSWER: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

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