Title: Mathematical challenge
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SirCumference
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(Date Posted:09/09/2011 2:12 PM)
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Dear Sasha

I have been wondering about something for the last few days and wonder if you would don your mathematician's helmet, assuming you ever take it off, that is, and advise me.

I am concerned about the likelihood of my being banned from Ouch2 and wonder if you could help me avoid this.

I was sorting out my desk drawer a few days ago and found a protractor, I think it is called - a 180 degree plastic affair. I also have an abacus I bought in a charidee shop a while back, and successfully shoplifted a pad of graph paper in Ryman's today.

With these implements would it be possible for us to draw a chart and predict the likelihood of my being chucked out? I am sure that other people could benefit from this knowledge, so we would be able to help others and that would give us a nice warm glow of satistaction as well as receive an initial down-payment of £40 to be returned in the event of inexplicable failure and expulsion.

I am a Capricorn, born on the cusp, and a Wood Snake, according to Barry Fantoni's Chinese Horoscopes. My mother was pointing in the direction of Seville when I was conceived and my middle name is Francis.
My favourite colour: blue suede shoes
My favourite food: bacon
My favourite film: Midnight Cowboy starring Jon Voigt.
I have got windows vista, I use mozilla firefox and I am on the phone.
I think I am a platinum member of Ouch2.

Does this help?

I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience

I remain your servant, etc


Sir C x





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hossylass
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Re:Mathematical challenge
(Date Posted:09/09/2011 3:48 PM)

Dear Sir C,

Under normal circumstances, I would rate your chances of getting barred at around 10,000:1.

However with Uranus rising over the horizon, conflicting with various religous beliefs regarding the unclean eating of pork, and the damned price of seville oranges, I can only give you odds on.

Hence shove half your balls to one side, and half to the other, draw a line up the middle of your grid, and focus hard on the 90 degrees.
It should soon become apparent which side of the line you fall on.

I hope this helps,
regards
Hoss.
Helmet-less moderator.
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KizzyKazaer
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RE:Mathematical challenge
(Date Posted:10/09/2011 3:50 AM)

Sir C, have you been on the cider again?
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Hurtyback
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RE:Mathematical challenge
(Date Posted:10/09/2011 4:21 AM)

 "Hence shove half your balls to one side, and half to the other, draw a line up the middle of your grid, and focus hard on the 90 degrees."

Sounds painful!


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Yvettea
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RE:Mathematical challenge
(Date Posted:10/09/2011 7:50 AM)

>>Sir C, have you been on the cider again? <<

It sounds like Hossylass has been! smiley69
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stalwart
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RE:Mathematical challenge
(Date Posted:10/09/2011 9:28 AM)

"With Uranus rising over the horizon"........and I thought it was a full moon...smiley110
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Sasha_Q
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Reply To SirCumference
(Date Posted:10/09/2011 11:19 AM)

Reply to SirCumference (09/09/2011 9:12 PM)


With these implements would it be possible for us to draw a chart and predict the likelihood of my being chucked out? I am sure that other people could benefit from this knowledge, so we would be able to help others and that would give us a nice warm glow of satistaction as well as receive an initial down-payment of £40 to be returned in the event of inexplicable failure and expulsion.



OK

Dear Sir C

I have a ruler and a pair of compasses to add to your protractor and abacus, plus a pencil, so let's see what we can do...

*takes a sheet of graph paper, draws some lines, plots points, measures angles, twiddles on the abacus, plots more points, draws an arc*

Hmm...  given how much your attributes have in common with Quentin Crisp's (and mine) and taking account of your youth and vintage, trying not to annoy the proprietors is more likely to increase the likelihood of being chucked out of the metaphorical café, but you can decrease the likelihood by becoming a work of art like QC

*twiddles on the abacus some more, draws a triangle on another sheet of graph paper, draws a circle inside the triangle and plots more points*

By my calculations you're more than half way there...

I hope that helps

I am, sir

yours truly

SashaQ

Capricorn Earth Goat
Platinum member of OuchToo
Windows Vista, Mozilla Firefox, 8-year-old mobile phone
Favourite colour (well, one of them): sky blue pink
Favourite music: Queen
 
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sofie2
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RE:Mathematical challenge
(Date Posted:10/09/2011 12:43 PM)

smiley113 is all I have to say about this thread. You lot are mad!
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auntieCtheM
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RE:Mathematical challenge
(Date Posted:10/09/2011 1:53 PM)

I'd say:
one duck infront of a duck, one duck behind a duck and one duck in the middle.

Number of ducks, divided by pie to the power of 12.

That is my considered opinion.
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danslatete
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RE:Mathematical challenge
(Date Posted:10/09/2011 2:33 PM)

Its about a gajillion
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sofie2
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Re:Mathematical challenge
(Date Posted:10/09/2011 2:34 PM)

 Message #8 has completely confused me.
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Noisyworld
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Re:Mathematical challenge
(Date Posted:10/09/2011 2:45 PM)

This thread is making me goggle and I am perplexed does that make Sir C's chances of being barred ...
googleplex:1 ?

This thread is about my level today...off to bed :(
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devineDeb
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Re:Mathematical challenge
(Date Posted:10/09/2011 3:38 PM)

I bow to Dr. Q's mathematical expertise ....
my best guess would be that Sir C's chances are about 50:50 - 50% chance he will be chucked out, 50% chance he won't ....

but I will be interested to see if he can come up with a work of art which will make the difference....
regards, Deb
 
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SunshineMeadows
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RE:Mathematical challenge
(Date Posted:10/09/2011 3:52 PM)


smiley107 LOL

Chances of being chucked out are unfair to middling, by which I mean to say the chances are slim.

Keep posting cos it is going to be a while yet before you get Super Powers.
smiley108
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SunshineMeadows
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Re:Mathematical challenge
(Date Posted:10/09/2011 3:56 PM)

 Oh wait there is one thing please stop calling this place Ouch 2.

Ouch Too is not a sequel nor is it a retread erm remake. Unless we are talking Aliens which is clearly better that the first movie Alien.


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Darrowsgirl
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Re:Mathematical challenge
(Date Posted:10/09/2011 4:04 PM)

 How, prey, is Aliens 'clearly' better than Alien?
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SunshineMeadows
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Re:Mathematical challenge
(Date Posted:10/09/2011 4:29 PM)

Oh no now I wish I had watched the whole of Aliens last night.
doh !!!

To me there is more depth to the storyline, and there was more money to spend on the special affects which are better. One thing that has spoilt it for me though is seeing the sketches French and Saunders did with Dawn French playing at being the Vasques character.


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Darrowsgirl
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Re:Mathematical challenge
(Date Posted:11/09/2011 3:19 AM)

 I've nothing against Aliens, but for me it marks the beginning of the 'modern action film' - all visuals and action over plot, timing, dialogue and suspense, all of which things Alien has in spades, and which win hands down for me where cinema is concerned.

Good visuals are great, but not when they become an excuse to let everything else, which ultimately make a film more memorable, slip. 
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KizzyKazaer
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RE:Mathematical challenge
(Date Posted:11/09/2011 4:51 AM)

I loved all four 'Alien' films - could watch them again and again...the books are pretty good as well.

Anyone ever see 'The Thing' ?  It's in a similar vein to 'Alien', with the extra-terrestrial using the bodies of Earth mammals as 'hosts' - there's a revolting scene where the parasite bursts out of a dog..


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stalwart
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RE:Mathematical challenge
(Date Posted:11/09/2011 5:17 AM)

Who turned this comic/mad thread into a discussion about horror movies.smiley29smiley63

I can't stand them, if this carries on could you please put a warning on it.smiley58
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SirCumference
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RE:Mathematical challenge
(Date Posted:11/09/2011 8:25 AM)


Stalwart215, it is pronounced Uranus, not Uranus.

Grow up.



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SunshineMeadows
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RE:Mathematical challenge
(Date Posted:11/09/2011 10:13 AM)

Sorry Stalwart  smiley112 I will start a new thread.


A joke about a math atheist :-)
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SirCumference
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RE:Mathematical challenge
(Date Posted:12/09/2011 2:12 PM)


Thank you all, but how on earth can Archimedes' Volume Theory fit in to all this?

It just doesn't make sense.



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auntieCtheM
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RE:Mathematical challenge
(Date Posted:12/09/2011 3:17 PM)

You're telling me: it definitely does not make sense.
What is your interpretation of the Archimedes' Volume Theory in relation to this particular problem?
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Noisyworld
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RE:Mathematical challenge
(Date Posted:12/09/2011 4:45 PM)

SirC are you suggesting that certain members require a bath before they become ripe?smiley77

I'm nto even going to mention the whole running down the road in the nude thing! smiley110

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ilovepinkandpurple
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RE:Mathematical challenge
(Date Posted:12/09/2011 4:59 PM)

This thread is definatly confusingsmiley9
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hossylass
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Re:Mathematical challenge
(Date Posted:12/09/2011 5:08 PM)

"how on earth can Archimedes' Volume Theory fit in"...?

Classic displacement activity.

(bahboom tish).


The amount displaced will be directly proportional to the ratio that describes the likelihood of you being banned.

(Message edited by hossylass On 12/09/2011 5:11 PM)
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SirCumference
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RE:Mathematical challenge
(Date Posted:12/09/2011 5:24 PM)


Precisely, and at the same time, if I am banned won't someone of equal size in whatever way fit into my space / function,  so what would be the point of banning me, or anyone if it comes to it?

Nature abhors a vacuum. If you murder your wife it just makes space for a replacement, and my brother-in-law can vouch for that.



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SirCumference
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RE:Mathematical challenge
(Date Posted:12/09/2011 5:27 PM)


OK, OK, sorry, sorry, sorry. I'll get the abacus and graph paper and we'll start again.

Hands up who wants to go first.



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KizzyKazaer
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RE:Mathematical challenge
(Date Posted:13/09/2011 12:51 PM)

We could always ban you now and put you out of your misery  smiley110 smiley51 smiley56smiley47
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auntieCtheM
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RE:Mathematical challenge
(Date Posted:13/09/2011 2:23 PM)

Sir C,
I suggest that you go first so that if I fall down the stairs I will have a (very) soft landing.
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