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Title: Fastenings on baby clothes
Ouch   Disability Q & A
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independentgirl84
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(Date Posted:11/10/2011 6:46 AM)
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Hello there,

I am terribly sorry I have not posted before (although I've read all the threads!)

I just wanted to ask about fastenings on baby clothes. I'm 23 weeks pregnant and I have been practicing the popper buttons with a baby gro and a doll. Although I'm getting faster, I'm not sure how I'd do them if I was feeling any way tired, and besides, the way I hold the doll wouldn't be the same way I'd hold my child!!!

However, when the baby moves, I'm not sure I'd have the patience to do the snap/popper buttons!

Does anyone know any way to avoid the popper buttons on baby clothes? Would velcro be suitable?  Bigger snap buttons? Any advice would be much appreciated.

Oh, by the way my disability is Cerebral Palsy, and while it's not too severe, co-ordination is not my forte!

Thanks everyone,
independentgirl84.
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Yvettea
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Re:Fastenings on baby clothes
(Date Posted:15/10/2011 5:41 AM)

Yes, babies in my day (in my day - that makes me feel so ancient!)  used to have nighties because babygro's had only just been invented and were really expensive.


Babygro's  are good when baby is crawling around but when babies are tiny, nighties as castpjs says, are so much easier for nappy changing.
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fairysparkle
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Re:Fastenings on baby clothes
(Date Posted:15/10/2011 12:20 PM)

(trigger in this post further on, if anyone has lost a wee one)

Yes, that's like the wee grow bag sleep suits you can get. A friend highly recommends them as when she pops her wee boy in his it helps him realise when he is going to have a nap.

If anyone is in the Glasgow area and wants to visit a wheelchair accessible house to cuddle a baby, well the kettles on, and there might even be biscuits. Very excited I am, but daunted too - so am looking forward to lots of virtual aunties/uncles.

***Potential trigger for those who have lost wee ones*******


Had some rough times this week. A very well meaning lady asked me if I'd been offered a termination because of my age (38). I was shocked to the core, coz I thought she meant my disability. Soon as she realised how much she'd upset me she was so sorry - it's something that happened to her (yes, I know she still should have kept it to herself).
Then the next day a doctor told me that a medication that can be used to treat certain conditions was being queried by my consultant because it could 'abort my baby immediately'. Not only was this shocking, it was blatantly not true. And scary coming from a doctor who deals in this medicine. My consultant said she was 'very surprised to hear this.' I think that's doctor talk for - what the f?
Not the best to happen in the lead up to my anti-d injections, which I am dreading. Also frustrating as it was meant to be an appointment to talk about allergy stuff, and now I dont' trust any of what he said. Sadly, there have been several bits of advise doctors have given the last wee while, that were scarily incorrect. Imagine I never got them checked up?

******trigger over********

Apologies to anyone that might have upset. So frustrated as cried my eyes out all the way home, at  a time when it's an amazing time, I am very grateful for.

FS
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Noisyworld
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RE:Fastenings on baby clothes
(Date Posted:15/10/2011 12:41 PM)

smiley110 smiley110 smiley110

That sounds horrendous FS, one smiley91 of a week smiley98
That lady should have kept her trap shut smiley99

I understand how you could never trust the doctors again but that's not really a choice is it smiley98

smiley110 smiley110 smiley110

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independentgirl84
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Re:Fastenings on baby clothes
(Date Posted:15/10/2011 1:10 PM)

Er, termination?! what kind of a question is that?
people should keep their opinions and assumptions to themselves! 
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Yvettea
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RE:Fastenings on baby clothes
(Date Posted:15/10/2011 1:42 PM)

Fairysparkle, sending you lots of big hugs   smiley110smiley110smiley110smiley110smiley110
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poetic_princess_roxy
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Re:Fastenings on baby clothes
(Date Posted:15/10/2011 3:23 PM)

 smiley110 fs
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Hurtyback
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RE:Fastenings on baby clothes
(Date Posted:15/10/2011 3:56 PM)

smiley110 from me too.
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sofie2
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Re:Fastenings on baby clothes
(Date Posted:15/10/2011 4:19 PM)

 " My consultant said she was 'very surprised to hear this.' I think that's doctor talk for - what the f?"

Oh for Christs sake - is it some sort of crime to be disabled and have sex now?
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independentgirl84
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Re:Fastenings on baby clothes
(Date Posted:15/10/2011 6:15 PM)

Disabled and sex is a no-no Sofie (!) Disabled and pregnant - just inconceivable!
I am starting to notice that even fellow disabled peers are a bit dubious about this whole pregnancy thing. Mind you, and with all due respect, most of these people are unfortunately still living at home with their parents and cannot see an independent life for themselves. In my circle of friends (with CP), for example, only one other woman is married, out of home and planning kids, and she has been extremely supportive.

Society has dictated for years that people with disabilities are different and that they should fit into neat little categories. When we don't fit into these categories people react badly.
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Jen17
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Re:Fastenings on baby clothes
(Date Posted:16/10/2011 12:07 AM)

Hi

My middle daughter is 31 weeks pregnant and she has Fibro and recently gone into a wheelchair for much of the time. I was telling her about this post and she said that there are lots of stores now doing Newborn PJs which are so much easier as they have no fastenings. Also she suggested using trousers and jogging bottoms for either boys or girls, she also said there are a lot of tops/knitwear that dont have fastenings too. She has probs with fastenings too so thats why she been looking for easy clothing for her baby.

Had a txt from her saying that due to her carrying far too much fluid she now measuring 38 weeks, her midwife recommending her being induced no later than 37 weeks, but she told she could go into labour at anytime. She had scan 2 weeks ago and got to have another on tuesday and see the consultant to see what he thinks. Does anyone know what causes someone to have so much more fluid around the baby like this? I would be very interested to find out-thanks

Best wishes
Jen x
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sofie2
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Re:Fastenings on baby clothes
(Date Posted:16/10/2011 5:07 AM)

 Hi Jen,

Can't answer your question; but hope mum and baby are doing well.
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Yvettea
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Re:Fastenings on baby clothes
(Date Posted:16/10/2011 5:53 AM)

Ditto.  Hope all goes well.
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catspjs
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RE:Fastenings on baby clothes
(Date Posted:16/10/2011 8:46 AM)

"If anyone is in the Glasgow area and wants to visit a wheelchair accessible house to cuddle a baby"


lol fairysparkle.  i might just take you up on that. 

People never stop amazinging me on on how hurtful their coments can be.  and they seem to think they can say anything to a disabeld person and be justified.    and the "I (they) didnt mean anything by it" really bugs me..


big hugs for you and baby bump
smiley110

It is however unsettling when the docs get it wrong. last time I was in as an emergancy a doc questioned my longterm condition and said I couldnt possible have it as Im a female.  smiley99
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Noisyworld
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Re:Fastenings on baby clothes
(Date Posted:16/10/2011 12:27 PM)

Hi Jen, I'd never heard of that before so I googled it and found this information page (link below) .

Warning: there are a lot of worrying things on it but the main answer seems to be- it just happens sometimes! I'm sure the doctors/midwives will have checked and ruled-out any of the bad options, that's what they're there for!

Only read if you're feeling strong- okay?
http://www.babycentre.co.uk/pregnancy/complications/polyhydramnios/

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Hurtyback
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Re:Fastenings on baby clothes
(Date Posted:16/10/2011 3:02 PM)

I had polyhydramnios when I was expecting HurtyBoy, as a result I was quite big and kept being told I was going to have a biiiiiig baby. In the end he was a healthy 8lb 6oz.
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Jen17
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Reply To Noisyworld
(Date Posted:17/10/2011 12:32 AM)

Reply to Noisyworld (16/10/2011 6:27 PM)

Hi Jen, I'd never heard of that before so I googled it and found this information page (link below) .

Warning: there are a lot of worrying things on it but the main answer seems to be- it just happens sometimes! I'm sure the doctors/midwives will have checked and ruled-out any of the bad options, that's what they're there for!

Only read if you're feeling strong- okay?
http://www.babycentre.co.uk/pregnancy/complications/polyhydramnios/


Thanks for that have just read it, it was worrying reading it but I did want to know the facts so that I can help. She is now 32 weeks and seeing her Consultant and having another scan tomorrow so will make sure she asks him the right questions.

Thanks again for your help, really grateful
Jen x
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Jen17
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Reply To Hurtyback
(Date Posted:17/10/2011 12:40 AM)

Reply to Hurtyback (16/10/2011 9:02 PM)

I had polyhydramnios when I was expecting HurtyBoy, as a result I was quite big and kept being told I was going to have a biiiiiig baby. In the end he was a healthy 8lb 6oz.


My daughter was so big at 31 weeks a dr asked her if she was full-term!! She is in an awful lot of pain in both her tummy and back, she isnt very tall so she is finding it difficult to get around and is getting breathless. She has struggled through the pregnancy as she had to stop all her tablets for her fibro which hasnt helped her pain. She has been told her baby isnt a small one but that he would ok size wise if born early. she has all the tests for diabeties and Downs, so far all ok, I am praying all goes well cos she waited a long time to fall pregnant. You have given me hope that having this can result in having a healthy baby boy.

Would it be possible to pm you if I have any questions, wont be offended if you say no.

Thanks
Jen x
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danslatete
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RE:Fastenings on baby clothes
(Date Posted:17/10/2011 6:50 AM)

Fairy sparkle i'm sorry you have had to put up with other peoples mindless opinions. I too had that, i ws offered a termination on my first appointment, infact it was the first thing the consultant said to me, before even introducing himslef. Thought less and un warranteed. I have a brother with multiple disabilities, so of course that means that my babies are at greater risk ? I was also on medication for my disabilities which could have caused problems, i was also on the pill when i concieved, So many things that could have caused problems but didnt.

My daughter was small for dates but that was probably down to stress among other things. She is a very tall, very clever and very independant young lady.

My sons were a lot bigger and i still had same health problems and meds on board (including the pill).

My friend from school had a baby a year ago at 38, everything was good exept the nursing staff insisting on calling her an older mother and being at greater risk. Another school friend had a forth baby a year ago, she was also refered to as an at risk older mother. She did develop diabetes in the last 4 weeks and both baby and mum were fine.

Sometimes i think they get excited at the prospect of dealing with someone outside the normal run of the mill, they then hit the text books to see what MIGHT happen according to the odd past case which sounds SIMILAR to your situation. No 2 persons are the same, so it would only give them a rough idea of problems may arise. I think they forget the human element i.e. you, and that you have feelings.

Make sure you cry and get it out of your system and ask the doctors to be a bit more mindful of you. Get a nice hug from your other half and dont keep things bottled up. Enjoy your baby xx

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Hurtyback
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RE:Fastenings on baby clothes
(Date Posted:17/10/2011 9:33 AM)

I was called an 'elderly primigravida (first pregnancy)' when I had HB. I was 28 ...
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Yvettea
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Re:Fastenings on baby clothes
(Date Posted:18/10/2011 4:10 AM)

I was 28 when I had my son too. 

I never had any problems during the pregnancy.

The only difficulty was during his birth as he was facing the wrong way (not breech but back to front) when he was born.
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fairysparkle
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Re:Fastenings on baby clothes
(Date Posted:18/10/2011 6:12 AM)

Thank you for hugs and well wishes - was a bit rough last week. The ridiculous thing is - not only have we had very positive support from doctors - not one of them has ever indicated any concern regarding age, or disability - in fact the opposite. This was an assisted pregnancy. Am only in high risk group to get extra attention - not because there are more risks.

I think what this highlights is I thought I'd prepared for mad comments - but that one really threw me. Not once in the hospital have they said, oh you're an older mum. Um, there are mummies well into their forties now; it's normal. It really comes down to sometimes people ask stuff that is none of their business. I've been asked over and over can I give birth naturally - that's no one's business. Do the research people - c-sections are for when it's really needed. Using a wheelchair does not mean that's the best option.

I've found it hard that I've had such a high proportion of poor advice from doctors though - i.e. not the positive ones

1.The reason why you have had spotting is your pyjamas were irritating you.(this was later investigated by much, much better doctors, who were fantastic).
2. Visual disturbance has nothing to do with midwifery.
3. We'd only be concerned about visual disturbance if your brain was swelling. (I was fine, but by this stage I just went, oh man, just take my BP will you?)
4. Plenty of pregnant mothers jump off of wardrobes and their babies are fine (I'd asked if I could put a hot water bottle on top of my tummy)
5. The only way you can tell if you have a UTI is when the urine is so cloudy you can't see through it and it smells of fish (This is totally untrue - not to be taken as advice. Checked with several doctors, it's utter bunk). I can get a sample out of the bin and show you if you like. (did not make that up, he really said it).
6. Was given antibiotics that were way too strong for UTI. Everyone after said - oh, that was not what I'd have given you. The gp said that it might have given my baby brain damage. (again, utter bunk. Not one scrap of evidence for this, not one.)
7. And finally, the clanger last week I posted about.
8. No, there is one more. I have dimpling on my breast that I got checked out, and is fine. During the examination the dr said - well, of course in the worst case scenario, this could be cancer. Ahem.
9. The doctor who refused to examine me (because I'd explained there were questions I was saving for the consultant, but could I please have a normal appointment i.e. bp, listen to baby, etc), and when I got very upset, brought in a MW so he could shout at me with her to back him up. I was about 18 weeks, and feeling wobbly. The MW did her checks and when she was finished said - so is that you happy now then?  

Not one of these situations has anything to do with me being disabled, not one. It makes it hard listening to other ladies who have had plain sailing pregnancy, as I think folk think, oh well, that's all happened because FS is disabled. It makes me even more aware of being a mummy what does things differently when actually, the actual pregnancy is going fine. Really struggling just now with having to tell myself that no one expects me to be instantly good at everything. But, when you cannot see how on earth you are going to change a babies nappy in public when you are unable to stand up and hold baby and lift it to a suitable corner, then it's hard.

The doctors never realise that you are the one who is being sensible enough to double check when they say something that sounds off. And how intimidating it is to point out to them they need to do further to make sure you are both ok.

So, anyone fancy phoning SW for me to ask again about an OT (the last one had no experience of babies and so could not help...), and what to do with a SW who has no experience of a disabled parent, ever?
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sofie2
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Re:Fastenings on baby clothes
(Date Posted:18/10/2011 7:15 AM)

 "what to do with a SW who has no experience of a disabled parent, ever?"

I find this somewhat odd. Being a disabled parent isn't some sort of unheard of thing.
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independentgirl84
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Re:Fastenings on baby clothes
(Date Posted:18/10/2011 7:25 AM)

Hi FS,

You said:

'Really struggling just now with having to tell myself that no one expects me to be instantly good at everything. But, when you cannot see how on earth you are going to change a babies nappy in public when you are unable to stand up and hold baby and lift it to a suitable corner, then it's hard.'

When I first got pregnant, everyone was delighted for me, but in the last few weeks some of them have asked questions that have led me to doubt myself, which is so unlike me. One well-meaning friend posed a few 'what-if' questions that kind of threw me. It made me think, wow, I am so unprepared for motherhood, what an earth am I doing, am I ready for a baby now? etc. But you and I have to believe that, whatever challenges we face in having our babies, we will face them head on and come up with solutions ; ok, they may not be orthodox solutions, but if they work for us, then great!

I do feel pressure now to prove myself to be a good mum to those doubting Thomases. But the most important people that I need to prove myself to are my husband and child, and even then, I don't have to prove anything to them either. My love for them, and theirs for me, is unconditional. And it's the very same for you too, FS. After them, who really cares what anyone thinks? Being able to provide a loving home, where the child is loved and cared for (doesn't matter by who) is top priority. God knows a lot of AB parents can't provide that!

I know I'm waffling but it's something I've come to realise over the last few days.
And hey, pat yourself on the back girl, you're doing the best you can!!!
Hugs, independentgirl84 xxx
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fairysparkle
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Re:Fastenings on baby clothes
(Date Posted:18/10/2011 8:20 AM)

You sweetheart - that is the nail on the head. The whole trying to prove yourself stuff. Even though I did years of childcare, and watched parents turn themselves inside out worrying they weren't doing ok.

My fears are;

1. I will lose it, and mean really lose it with anyone who says stuff that is getting at me being a disabled parent.
2. I will also lose it at parents who moan about not being able to do all the stuff they have to do - when just covering the basics is going to be such a challenge. Can I take my baby swimming? No. (long story short, PA is not going to work for us). My OH says he will do this, because it means so much. Can I take him to my friend's houses? No. Can I take him on the swings? With difficulty. I know that if it takes other folk to do stuff, no problem. I'm already getting OH used to the idea that some holidays will have to be him, his son and anyone else who will go, as there are places I want them to go it would not be worth the hassle of taking me (and that is when I will sleep, lol). I don't mind doing things a different way - but I have about zero patience with listening to other parent's moaning when the majority have way way more energy to do things, do not have to negotiate a minefield of allergies, and can drive.
3. I will also lose it at the taxi drivers/bus drivers who are so unaware that a power chair can only go up a secure ramp. Not a wobbly one. Not one at a funny angle. And it cannot leap gaps to get on the bus.
4. The situation with benefits is getting worse. Can I really face appealing ESA to argue to get into support group?
5. How many times can I be polite to SW's who not only seem to know nothing about disabled parents, but have to be spoon fed ideas, and who do not answer calls. She phones up to see how I am - and what I am is in need of someone to come up with ideas.
6. How can I maintain relationships? My friends and family have no idea how hard I work to keep up with them. Again, I can accept some of that; but I am finding it increasingly hard to listen to them moan about a sore leg, or a mild cold, or how busy they are. Concerned the words 'Seriously? So are you having to do any of that stuff using a wheelchair, and therefore relying on public transport and the hope and prayer that when I get to the other end there are kerbs I can climb, and a building I can access, because what you are describing sounds pretty easy.' are going to pop out my mouth in a frustrated manner.
7. Fiding it hard to talk to elderly people who can do three/four/five times as much as me in a day, and who then moan about the dodgy ankle they have. I feel guilty because a dodgy ankle sounds not nice, and I want them to be better. But I've been adjusting to a completely disfunctional body since I was a teenager. I'm sorry old age is creeping in - but I seceretly wish I could have had all my energy and health till much, much later.

I totally agree - it's take stock regularly and recognise what is being achieved, even if its unorthodox.

FS x
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independentgirl84
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Re:Fastenings on baby clothes
(Date Posted:18/10/2011 8:55 AM)

Not meaning to be condescending, but I really hope getting things off your chest is making you feel better, FS.
As a matter of interest, how supportive are your family and can you rely on them for help? The reason I ask is, well, I'm not called independentgirl for the sake of it! I make all the contact in the family, since my mum died two years ago. Ironically I'm the one who they all come running to in times of crisis (I've given my siblings God knows how much money, and one was living with me for free for four months over the summer) I haven't seen my brother (who gushed when I told him, at 10 weeks, that he's going to be an uncle, that he will be here to help me during and after pregnancy) since mid-July, and my two sisters live elsewhere. My dad pops in once a month even though he lives in the same town. Thank God for my gorgeous hubby and my positive attitude! And the most annoying part is, when the bub is born, all of these people will be gathered round the hospital bed, ready to take over everything and question my ability to raise my child!!!!!!

As for taking your child on the swings and swimming and all those things, I may not be able to do these things either (certainly not swimming, I float like a piece of lead). If your OH can do these things, let him; there's other ways to bond with your child like reading, painting etc etc etc. As long as your child knows that mummy loves him very much.

And trying not to be ageist, but [some] elderly people love complaining! Hell, some people love complaining non-stop! If everything was going right for them, there'd be something wrong! Keep your head up eh?? xxx

ps: Sorry about the rant.
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fairysparkle
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Re:Fastenings on baby clothes
(Date Posted:18/10/2011 9:47 AM)

I saw Dansalete's lovely post and thought - come on girly, tell some folk how you actually are. Yes, think it's good to just talk some of it out, as there is only so much friends understand.

My family situation is mixed. I have lovely MIL and SIL - although they do not get how hard we work to see them. MIL is visually impaired, and relies on SIL for transport to places she's not so familiar with. I suspect they will surprise me with how supportive they are going to be, and in between, say the odd daft thing. MIL thinks breast feeding, cloth nappies and nurseries are madness - she just would not have contemplated any of them.

I no parents, and two siblings. My sister has severe MH issues (and addiction issues) that we all hope so much she will recover from, or at least be more stable with. Several crisis situations this year that were well scary. My brother decided to fall out over an issu that means he will not accomodate my disability (why should I get my own way?). Disturbingly he has not acknowledged the pregnancy at all. We have minimal contact, and I am very careful what I say to him after he sent nasty emails this year. Not an ideal situation to be in.

This makes me super aware of the friends I have. I cannot even think how isolated I'd feel without this forum. I think the fact I relax on here, shows the contrast of how hard it is sometimes to relate to people with no health issues. Life saving, the lot of you. FS

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Noisyworld
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RE:Fastenings on baby clothes
(Date Posted:18/10/2011 10:17 AM)

Are we allowed to call ourselves Ouch Aunties (and Uncles)? smiley111

We get how important this is to you, how much hard work it is and that you are using all your energy to make sure your kids know they're loved with every fibre of your being. We will be here as much as we can and will listen to rants about idiot ables! smiley109

Chin-up mums-to-be smiley120

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Yvettea
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Re:Fastenings on baby clothes
(Date Posted:18/10/2011 10:18 AM)

It is far worse for mum's with a disability but mums without a disability get all the old wives tales and interference too - not to the same degree or about the same things though.

It seems that a pregnant woman, like most disabled people, is fodder for everyone to ask questions of and make comments to.   However if you are a mum with a disability you have a double lot of questions and comments.

You are both doing really well and that is what is important, not all the ignoramuses who have no tact or understanding, be they medical professionals (so called) or not.

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Noisyworld
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RE:Fastenings on baby clothes
(Date Posted:18/10/2011 10:28 AM)

Well put Yvettea smiley102
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Hurtyback
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Re:Fastenings on baby clothes
(Date Posted:19/10/2011 4:33 AM)

Yes, I second - or should it be 'third'? - what Yvettea has said. Don't forget, the only real 'expert' parents are the people who don't have children of their own. The rest of us know how hard it can be at times and understand that 'good enough' is good enough.
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