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JayRide
Topic :   What Really Happened

I was the one to pick up the phone and I thank god for letting it be me and not her. She would have cried just knowing who the person on the other end of the phone was and why they were asking for me. Deployment was happening in a few weeks and they wanted me on base to get ready. I could lie to her, tell her everything would be fine but I didn't know if it would be.


She must have heard me yelling outside on the dock because she came out of the house that we were renting on our "dream" vacation. Some dream vacation this was for the both of us.


-What's wrong?


I didn't even have to tell her before the tears started rolling and my guilt had festered in my belly. I turned to look at her but couldn't see the confusion and sadness for to long so I turned back around.


-You're leaving again.


-They need me.


-I need you.


Some shitty sick and twisted movie this was. I looked out at the sunset and sighed. She really knew how to make a man feel like shit.


-I know.


-But you're going anyway.


I turned around to her and reached out my hand before she pushed it down and shoved me against the docks rails.


-You said that was the last time! You said they let you come home for good and now you're fucking lying? Please tell me you are making some stupid joke again. Tell me you are doing this out of fucking amusement. Please tell me you really are lying.


-I have no choice.


-You have no choice.


She laughed under her breath and turned away. I guess she was trying to talk herself down but she was too hot headed for that. Her hands were fists when she turned back to me. I knew how she was feeling because I felt it too. I almost didn't make it home last time and now I was leaving again and probably not coming back. That's what she thought. That's what the hurt behind her eyes was for.


-Choose to stay and tell them you left and you aren't going back. Tell them they sent you in on a suicide mission and that you are staying here.


-That's not how this works.


-I don't care how it works I'm not letting you go back.


-You don't have a choice.


-Don't tell me what I have! Don't tell me what you don't have!


She wasn't even hiding the tears anymore when she put her hands on my face. She started to sob and beg; I couldn't blame her for that. I knew she wasn't doing this to make me feel like shit but it didn't stop me from feeling like I let her down.


-Please. I don't want to lose you.


I wiped the red hair out of her face to get a good look at her grey eyes. I wanted to remember her like this even if I had to remember it with tears. The way the sunset lit up her face and hair and how the reflection of the ocean in her eyes could make a grown man cry, and they did.


-You won't.


The tears subsided while shock set in and I got down on a knee. She looked down at me and covered her mouth seeing a diamond ring in a little black case in front of her.


-Will you do me the absolute biggest honor and be my Mrs.?


The rest was a fairy tale ending in real life. She said yes and jumped in my arms. I almost tossed the damn ring in the ocean but didn't. For just a minute things were right in the world. She was happy and we weren't worried about tomorrow or me leaving.


She jumped into my arms and I hauled ass back to the little house hut we rented out on the ocean. She looked so beautiful laying back on the bed and looking at the ring on her finger. I couldn't help but kiss those lips and hold on to my girl for dear life. She pulled me on top of her and again everything was right with the world.


That night I made dinner and got my things ready to go back. She ignored me for most of the night and I knew why. We maybe had one more night to see each other for a while. I wanted to make it special so I put my things in one of the rooms we didn't use. I didn't want her thinking about that right now. When dinner was ready is when she walked out of the bedroom in a see through nightgown. Her red hair fell just right over her nipples and she seductively bit her bottom lip.


-We aren't eating yet are we?


She shook her head and lead me into the bedroom before pushing me back onto the bed and pulled down my pants. Her lips wrapped around the head of my dick and I let out a moan. Before long she was standing over me and pulling my shirt off. Her lips pressed into mine and I pulled her into me before rolling over on top of her. Her giggle was everything to me but after the giggle was a moan from me being inside of her. One fucking moment of happiness was what was going to get me threw. This moment of happiness was the only thing that would keep me going.


We finished in the bedroom and walked out to grab the food and sit out on the dock. There were candles lit and a blanket put out. I tried to make it perfect for her so she could forget. We ate, laughed over stupid shit that we said in highschool, and took a dip in the ocean. She pushed me over the railing and I dragged her in by her ankle. It was a dream.


Then I woke up.


I was in an uncomfortable bed and sand was hitting the windows of the base. She was gone and it was just a dream. I didn't hear anything from her after I left. Not one word. I don't blame her because the way I dream of it isn't how it happened. I left her unsure and worried. I left the night I got the call and I never asked her to marry me. Now I can only hope she's waiting for me to get out of here. I can only pray to god that the reason I haven't heard from her is it's to hard and that she hasn't moved on. I'm a selfish bastard for wanting it but I hope she is still there waiting for me to come home. I have to make things right. I have to give her what I've been dreaming of and not just telling her I have to leave.





03/07/2017 00:02 AM


JayRide
Re :   Rose


 

















 
 

 

 
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03/04/2017 23:18 PM


DropDeadRa
Re :   Rose

 

















 
 

 

 
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03/04/2017 23:17 PM


DropDeadRa
Topic :   Rose



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03/04/2017 22:51 PM


JayRide
Topic :   A Soldiers Written Letter

Her chest rose and fell as she fell deeper into sleep on my lap. Her arm wrapped around my leg and pulled me closer to her while hair fell into her face and a mumbled happened behind her breathing. I wasn't good at this, I've ever been good at this. I never liked the aspect of a relationship and I never took myself serious when it came to one. I wanted to push her off and walk the other way from her. I didn't want the feelings that came with caring for someone. I knew she wouldn't ask for me to give everything up but I knew I would anyway. She was worth it. Even just this second with her was worth everything I had.


Her red hair moved and her gray-blue eyes looked up into my eyes. I saw every detail on her face while the wind blew the leafs up around us. The sun hit her face between the leafs on the tree making her face light up and making her move up to get the sun out of her eyes. The sun lit up her hair and made it look like she had a halo. I remember her smile and giggle as I freaked out over a stupid fucking bee. God I wish I could see that beautiful face one more time. I wish I could feel her wrap a hand around my leg and pull on my shirt for a kiss. Damn it I miss those lips like I miss having comfort in my own room and not sharing it with six other men. I miss her.


The last thing I told her was a lie. I told her I did this for her. I told her I fucking did all this for her and it was a lie. I told her I would come back and that was a fucking lie. Every last sentence was a lie that I told her before I left. I did this for myself. I didn't come back for myself. I lied to her for myself and now I see her grey eyes filled with tears. I watched her drop to the ground and curse at the fucking sky. I watched her tell god how much she hated him and curse his and my name. I watched her give up. I watched her try to follow in my footsteps and I watched her fail. I also watched her give birth to our boy and I watched her fall in love all over again.





-Rider, a letter came for you.


Her name was written in black ink. I remember reading each line in my head and every word was in her voice.



Dear Jason,


I miss you more than the sun misses the moon. I wish you never left, I wish you had stayed with me here. You see, I'm scared not only of losing the man of my dreams but also the father of my child. I want you to know, we will be having a son and I can't explain the joy and pure terror in knowing I will have to give birth without you. I hope you won't be mad that I didn't tell you of the pregnancy until now. I wanted it to be a surprise. I didn't want to distract you but I no longer can hide by happiness. We will be having a son! Thank you for giving me this blessing. I will now have a piece of you even while you fight for us, and for our country. Be safe and come home to me.


With love


Yeah I was a dad. It was the proudest day of my life. I was having my little man and when I got back I would have the woman of my dreams. If I ever got back we were having a June wedding. All this shit was planned out and I ruined it for her. Our big day came and went away and she couldn't forget me. She couldn't walk that grass plain where we were meant to say I do without dropping to her knees. God I watched her waste so many tears in that damn spot. I watched her scream and yell. I watched her contemplate suicide. I touched her shoulder every time and it only made her cry harder.


-They called you up front Rider. Sounded important.


The last words I'd hear in this room were those. I walked to the office and to the last remaining moments on this base. I should have know that shit was about to go down when Sarg rubbed his neck.


-We're sending you out. We need more sharpshooters and I need you front lines. This means you won't see home soil for another six months Rider.


I thought it was perfect. Six months and I'd be home kissing my baby boy on the head and wife on the lips. Boy was I wrong.


I got shipped out that night. I should have died that morning when the plane crashed but we all made it out. I killed five men in that two day span and made friends with a few of the men. We were told not to get to close because tomorrow the person next to you could be gone. I was the odd man out I guess.


That third day we were driving until all I saw was white. I could hear the noises and see the people working on my body. I had flat lined, can you believe that? I'm the one with the most training, the one who should have saw the mine, and I'm the one laying dead on a damn table.


If you believe in god and heaven I'm sorry to let you know it doesn't exist or at least I wasn't good enough to get in. I watched them do everything from sticking my dead corpse with needles to giving it mouth to mouth. They gave up on me a hour later and my body was taken back to the planes. I followed that hunk of skin back home and watched them unload that fucker. Boy do I wish I didn't.


She was there, right there waiting for me to unboard. She grabbed at her belly and I knew the stress this was putting on our son. I tried to comfort her I really did but you can only do so much when you are holding someone from behind and them not even feel you. She cursed and I watched her tears fall. She wasn't waiting for me to walk down those stairs; She was waiting for that shit bag of skin to be driven to the burial site. Watching her die inside like I did outside was brutal. She was a good girl, the best. Even when I was dead she was still right there to welcome me home. She never gave up hope. She never stopped praying for my soul even when I wanted her to to. She prayed for me even when I didn't want to pray for myself.


The burial was nice. I got the whole nine yards and even got one of those fucking crosses over my head. I asked to be burned but this was her closer. This was the only way she could permanently say goodbye. I couldn't be mad at her for this. She had to let go in her own way and this was it; Falling out of her chair and begging the lord god almighty to wake me up. If only she knew our boy was going to look just like me.


She delivered premature and on her own. No one came and she was on her own, at least that's what she thought. I was there the whole time cheering my girl on and wishing I could hold that baby. She named him Jason and for a moment  I think she forgave me. I think for a split second I saw all the sadness go away. I saw her smile again and I felt like I could walk into that white light behind her. I still couldn't bring myself to leave her though. I watched her hold onto our son and I ran my hand down her face even if she didn't feel it. She was happy now but I knew it wouldn't last. Those damn thoughts she thought about to often. Those thoughts that kept her up at night kept coming back .She always did think to much and now it was driving her right into the grim reapers arms and out of my sons life. I couldn't let her do that to him, herself, or me.


I watched over her and my boy for four years. For four long years I watched him grow and never got to fucking touch him. For four years I watched her love him more than anyone in the world. I also watched her mourn and cry for four long years. I watched her scream in her sleep and I watched her cry herself back to sleep. I watched my son and wife take care of each other. I watched her show him who I was but I knew he would never know who really I was. I knew I would never tell him who I was and how to learn from my mistakes. I could never tell him to never leave someone who loves him as much as his mama loved me. I would never be able to tell him the bad things about me but his mama told him only the good. He grew up knowing his dad as a hero, he didn't know the druggie. He didn't know the abuser. He never met the drunk. Thank god.


Then he came into their lives. He was a military man himself and one who was discharged. I hated his guts. He had my life that I worked so damn hard for. He had it all he just didn't know it. She melted into his hands and my boy started calling him dad. She didn't need me anymore she had this guy. I was a memory. Those stories of me turned into stories of his days in the military. Her screaming turned into moaning. She never once cried herself to sleep. She was wrapped in his arms and my boy, my flesh and blood was his son now. He taught my boy football. He showed him how to drive. He even coached him into a scholarship. I hated this guy's guts for replacing me.


Then one day I didn't.


He did it all and he did it for me. He sat in a pew in church and told me he did it all for me. My girl was happy, my love wasn't thinking of killing herself anymore. She was thinking of her daughter and my boys sister. She was happy knowing she was having another boy. She wasn't alone she had him. My boy was going to Harvard and he talks to me everyday. He wishes he knew me and is doing everything for me. He is going to be a psychiatrist to help people like me with drug addictions I guess I was wrong about his mom only telling him the good. She kind of had to when he started down the same road.


I watched them for so many years wishing I could be with them. I pushed toxic people out of their lives and gave them a man like myself. He wasn't perfect and I hated his guts for a while but he was what they needed. For years I watched over them and protected them. Now I can let them go just like they now have let me go. That white light is looking pretty nice now.




03/03/2017 07:51 AM

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